I’ve heard many people quote,
“Don’t give the remote control of your life in someone else’s hand.”
I always had a hard time getting the logic behind it. I always thought the emotions have no shape or form they flow just like water. Taming water is difficult. But then, it is not impossible.
There is one more thing that I read on Social Media almost every day now,
To be honest I felt that too. Expecting too much out of people or even yourself can be downright stressful and depressing. Until recently, I was very naive and I had no control over either of the things that cause pain, emotions, and expectations. But, that’s what life is. It repeats scenarios until you learn the lesson you should be taking from it and you somehow then grow out of it.
So, let’s get some things cleared and solve this problem of getting over.
There are two actions that people usually confuse, one is missing someone and the other is remembering someone.
If you feel they are one and the same, believe me, it’s different. When it comes to missing someone, you have zero control over your emotions, there is a flush of multiple emotions like happiness, pain, anger, and many more complex emotions. The worst effect of this rush of emotions – sulking. You feel weak and cannot get a hold over yourself. This does two things, make you relate to quotes like expectations hurt and destroy your self-confidence. But, the truth is, expectations don’t, but the person you expect from did.
Let’s understand what is remembering someone. When you remember someone, you have complete control over it. You can control what you wish to remember and what you want to forget and not think about. Different right? When you remember a person, you acknowledge their existence in your life, no matter how distant. Even if they don’t exist, they did some time in your life and you appreciate it.
- Learn the difference:
The idea of running away from your emotions and the thought of the person will only drive you towards them, or the thought of getting them back, hence the feeling of missing them. Whereas when you remember you become stronger and know for sure if they are not with you, it is for a reason, whatever it may be.
But, how does this relate to expectations? Here, you don’t expect from any other person to do something you wish to do, in turn, expect yourself to accept what has happened and look forward to what will.
This might sound intimidating. But, because you clicked on this blog, it looks like you literally want to get over a person or a situation.
So let’s see the steps on how you do that effectively, my way:
- The first and foremost thing is to keep a tab on yourself. To check when you are low and what is making you feel this low and incapable of handling yourself.
- Make this a habit, just like your best friend would ask you, “Hey you okay? You don’t look so good.”
- As soon as you spot your problem, and check if you have any control over it or not. If not, then all you have to do is accept it the way it is and adapt yourself.
- Now when you know you have no control over this problem, you need to breathe in, let your emotions flow, anger, pain, sorrow, just let it all out, then, put your hand on your heart or take a book and a pen, whatever works for you, and say or write the following things,
“ This situation/person is beyond my control. I’ve tried to change things in my favor many times, but it’s not working out. It’s draining my energy and getting the best of me. So, I now set myself free of this pain, anger and (any other emotion). I had a great time learning from this situation/person and it has molded me into what I am today. I’ll always take a part of them with me and I now accept that part and inturn my whole self.”
- Do this as many times as you can. So that even if they (situation/person) come back again you are prepared to face them, with all your confidence.
Just go slow, let your emotions flow, and slowly you’ll know what’s right for you and what isn’t for sure.
Written by: Alifya Cyclewala